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Saturday, December 1, 2012

J's Broken Toe

J and I have an inside joke that J is not human, but is in fact an immortal half vampire half werewolf over 300 years old.  We do this because:

  1. It is a fun dialogue game we play.
  2. We both love vampires, werewolves, and all things supernatural.
  3. J has many traditional vampire and werewolf traits such as:  

He is sensitive to light and never leaves the house without sunglasses.  In truth he is prone to migraines and sunlight agitates him when he has a headache.  He has hair on the tops of his hands and both knuckles.  Hair growth there is uncommon and I think a recessive trait.  He has a widow's peak.  He has extended eye teeth.  He heals and/or recovers from minor injuries quickly.  He has a positive ape index, which means his arm span is greater than his height.  J has nearly died 15 times or so.  We have a list.  I keep asking him to post it, but he will not let me.  He is a Nightowl.  He normally goes to bed around 2am and has frequent bouts of insomnia.  He can function without sleep for longer than 72 hours.  There are no pictures of him as a child.  All this information has fueled my hypothesis that I am married to a supernatural nocturnal monster of folklore.

My long standing theory came undone today when the doctor came in and told us that J had in fact fractured the bone in his big toe.  Supernatural monsters do not break their toes, but human husbands do.  In Aikido class last night he caught his toe on the mat as he rolled out on it and bent it back in such a way that the cuticle and the toe underneath fractured.  He started bleeding excessively, eventually that died down but he continued to slowly bleed from around the edges of the toe nail.  We got home and cleaned it and put a band-aid on it but it continued to weep.  The next morning he found that it was still bleeding, but he went to work anyway.  After work he was limping badly and the toe had once more bled through another band-aid.  I finally convinced him to go to an InstaCare where they took an X-Ray and confirmed what I had suspected.  He fractured it.  This is the first time he has ever cracked an extremity.  He has several broken ribs and had his head cracked a few times, but this is a first for him.  I do not know what is worse, his broken toe or that I no longer believe he is inhuman.