Mutant Powers

I love the X-Men. As a child I couldn’t wait until I was a teenager to discover my own mutant powers and join Professor Xavier’s School for the Gifted. I was hoping for pyrokinesis. Unfortunately as I got older I realized that humans don’t get cool mutant super powers, thank goodness, but still disappointing. I was your typical moody, angst-ridden, gothic, wannabe punk teen that hated everything. It wasn’t until I got married that I realize I did have mutant powers, they were just lame. I also came to realize that my husband also had his own set of unique mutant powers that weren’t as lame, but still not as cool as Wolverine, Storm, Magneto, Spider-Man, or the Incredible Hulk.

K: I blow out light bulbs. I know this is my own unique ability because it has never happened to J. He had to change a record one light bulb in the 5 years while we were dating before we got married. As soon as I moved in, we change a light bulb about every 2 months. They pop. When I turn on a light switch I hear the filament inside the bulb pop and see the death flash in a “not that really dramatic” spark of light bulb life being snuffed out. J has never had a light bulb “pop” on him before. He just flips the switch and it stays dark.

J: Super mutant healing ability. J, like Wolverine, heals really fast from cuts, scrapes, and bruises. Me, not so much. Example: Two weeks ago J was on a ladder at work when the bottom slipped out from under him and he came crashing down. Scratched up his forearm till nearly bleeding, bruised both his arms, back, one leg, broke nails trying to catch himself falling down, and most notably got a bleeding cut on his forehead right between his eyes. In four days the cut on his head was gone. I was watching it get better and better every single day. I cut my thumb with a knife while cooking a few months ago. It took two and half weeks to heal.

K: I absorb dye. This must be one of the lamest mutant powers ever. Two sips from a slushy and my tongue is blue for the rest of the day. J finishes said slushy with minimal blue coloring if you look close and it doesn’t last long. All colored soda pops affect me and my super dye absorbent tongue. J – Soda pop coloring doesn’t change him one bit.

J: Dimes. J finds dimes everywhere he goes. Not a dollar, quarter, nickel, or penny among them, only dimes. Why just the other day he found one in a book store by the new release section. The day before that he found two: one on the sidewalk outside his work and one inside on the floor at work. I keep telling him to step it up and find gold pieces (Elder Scrolls: Skyrim) or at least bottlecaps (Fallout 3). J and his dimes.